Afraid To Lose Again
by finalitylife
Summary: Raven stumbles on to Robin having a private conversation with himself and finds out some things she never even imagined. RobRaeEpilogue posted: Now and Forever.
1. Chapter 1

1A/N: Story Complete. This takes place after Birthmark and is Rae/Rob. Probably my finest emotional work. As always, let me know what you think. It helps in me deciding what I'll write next.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.

Afraid to Lose Again

By: Finalitylife

I shot up in my bed as a crash of thunder shook the entire tower. Normally, something like that would hardly bother me but ever since Slade's return, ever since I knew that my Father had finally come for me, even the smallest things made me cringe. I slowly laid back in bed hoping I could fall back asleep but another boom from the sky ensured that it would be very difficult for that to happen. I knew that some tea would help me sleep but I was tentative to go to the kitchen in the dark. It wasn't that I was afraid…well okay, I am a little afraid. I'm afraid of what might be lurking in the shadows just outside my senses. Its best I just admit that fact or something terrible could be spawned by my mind again, just like after we had all watched that particular movie. I felt myself shudder slightly. I glanced around my room for a second before realizing that the kitchen would be far less creepy than my own room and slowly rose to my feet. I grabbed my cloak and covered my body in it. I always felt naked without it and considering what I wore underneath, I knew that wasn't just paranoia. I smiled slightly to myself. At least I didn't float around in what Starfire wore. My smile faded as I thought of something else. That's because you are nowhere near as attractive as her and would just embarrass yourself.

I silently chanted my mantra in my head, trying to push down the bad thoughts. It was hard to say that I wasn't jealous of Starfire because I was, though I still cared deeply about her. She was allowed emotions, she was absolutely beautiful, she was loved by everyone around her and she had Robin. I small stature in my room cracked in half at my last thought and I let out a defeated sigh. Damn that boy! Even now I wasn't entirely sure what I felt for him. I knew whatever it was, it was something that was foreign to me, something I had never experienced before. It was always there, sitting comfortable in the back of my mind but when he was around, it would try to push its way to the front of my thoughts and I would have to struggle to beat it back.

I used to believe any feelings toward Robin were simply spawned from the deep gratitude I had for him, when he believed in me when everyone else turned me away and helped form the Titans with me. Then I started believing it sprung from the deep respect I had for him. How he, having no powers, risked his life to save the innocent, to protect his friends. He worked harder and longer than any of us, yet he never complained. When I bonded with his mind, I received a small glimpse into what drove him. I wasn't entirely sure, but whatever it was, it was always there in his mind, pushing him on. The feelings around it were dark but that was all I could get from his. At the time I was frantically trying to save his life, not learn what made him tick. I still wonder what tragedy occurred to him that made him who he is now. I understand why the rest of the Titans are the way they are but him, just like me, remain a mystery to all of them. We always had a quiet understanding between us, another reason why I respected him so much. He understood my subtleties. He could tell when I wanted to be left alone and he knew when something was wrong, though he never pushed me for information. I found myself floating down the hall still thinking of all the reasons I respected Robin when I neared the kitchen. I stopped when I saw a flickering light that was most likely a candle, something I recognized from my own room, lighting the main room. I also heard a voice that I recognized as Robin, though it sounded so quiet, so defeated. I had never heard him sound like that. I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I peaked my head around the corner hoping to see what was going on without being noticed. I saw Robin standing over by the window, watching a light show created by nature far off in the night, thought it was too far away now to create thunder that could be heard. A single candle burned on the table behind him, giving the entire room an eerie quality not that much different from my room. I flash of lighting revealed his reflection in the window and I realized he wasn't wearing his mask. I didn't get a glimpse of his eyes but it was shocking nonetheless. He never had his mask off outside his room. I could hear him talking to himself or maybe someone who just wasn't there.

"It's happening all over again. Every time I think I can do it, every time I think that I won't let anyone down anymore, something has to happen. Mom, Dad, its been so many years since you left, so many years since that night in the circus, the night I failed to save the first people I cared about. I was helpless to save you and could only watch as you fell. That night a child died, innocence died, and Robin was created. Even sometimes I can't help but laugh at the irony of what we call ourselves. The Teen Titans. Only two of us even fit that name. Cyborg is almost 20 and me and Raven, well I think both of us were forced to grow up a long time ago. The night you two died, I promised I would never let anyone down again, that I would protect everyone I cared about no matter what. I'm sure you two have seen just how well I've done with that."

I continued to listen and watch him. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't leave. I knew that these words were not for any living being to hear, that these were for Robin's lost parents as well as for himself, but my body just seemed to stay there, not responding to the logical side of her brain.

"I'm sure you were disappointed when I created Red X. When I lied straight to my only friend's faces, when I viciously assaulted them so that I could gain the favor of Slade. I nearly killed Beast Boy because of my madness and obsession! It was far too close. I said I would never allow something like that to happen again, but it was only a few months later that I did the same exact thing. I put myself in a situation where I was forced to hurt my friends. Again, they could have died because of my recklessness. Even to this day, I am still haunted by that look in Starfire's eyes, that look of total devastation and sadness on the face of a girl who only knows compassion and love. Only a monster would be capable of doing that to her. Mom, Dad, I don't want to be a monster."

I was sure that it almost sounded like he was crying but Robin didn't cry. I've never even seen him close to crying. Lots of thoughts were flowing threw my head. Was that really how Robin saw himself as? He wasn't a monster. He had made his mistakes but he had always redeemed himself in the end. He wasn't a monster, Slade was a monster, I was a monster. I also felt jealousy rise in my again when he mentioned Starfire. It was her that made him feel the worst despite the fact that he did the same exact things to the rest of us. I suppressed the dark feeling as best I could. Robin had still not spoken or moved since his last comment. A roar of thunder shook the tower, proving the storm was still out there somewhere, and had it not been for its sound, I was sure Robin would have heard my shocked gasp. He however, didn't even flinch the slightest at the sound.

"I thought at least time would allow me to forget my mistakes, that eventually I would find forgiveness in you two as well as my friends, but then there was Terra."

I felt a slight bit of anger rise up in me at the sound of the blonde's name. I couldn't help it. She had betrayed us, even after she had found a way to make me smile, to make me like her as a dear fried. In the end she tried to kill me and the rest of us. I just couldn't forgive her for that, not yet at least. I was sure something had broken somewhere in the tower because of my spiked anger but it was nowhere near me. I chanted my words of meditation as I continued to listen to Robin.

"I should have been kinder to her. I should have been less leader to her and more friend. I don't know why I was like that with her but I was. I was always driving her, pushing her forward to be better, to be stronger. All I did was drive her away, into the hands of Slade. Even after was all said and done, I should have been able to save her. I should have been able to make her realize we were her friends, her family, but in the end it was too late. All I did was make her feel weak and useless, like she was never good enough and now she is gone. Maybe she's in heaven with you two now and has found the peace in death that she never found in life, but in the end, she's just another person I couldn't help, another person who had to die because I wasn't able to be their for them. I can see Beast Boy still look at me with cold eyes when he thinks back to Terra. I know he blames me for it all. I'm sorry Terra. I'm sorry Beast Boy. I'm sorry I failed you both."

I could feel a storm of emotions in me, unable to pin a single one down to really determine what I was feeling at this moment. I was watching Robin slowly breaking down, and for the first time I saw him as someone who was vulnerable, truly human. I knew that was one thing we both never wanted. We both never wanted to appear weak in front of other people. When he caught me after Slade threw me off the building, I just wanted to continue falling. I didn't want anyone to see me so violated, so broken but Robin was there to save me, he saw me. However, I had never felt so safe than when I was in his arms looking up at him. I should have felt afraid, I should have felt like I wanted to disappear or fade away, but instead I felt safe. I realized at that moment, that Robin would have been hurt deeply if he found out I was watching him, watching his private moment, watching him in his vulnerability. I was about to leave back to my room but stopped when I heard my name.

"But now it's far worse. Now it's Raven. I wish you would have gotten the chance to meet her Mom and Dad. She's the best person I've ever met. She's kind, graceful, intelligent, and so funny. You would have loved her sarcastic humor. Also, she's so beautiful, a beauty that I never thought could exist. Never have I seen more exotic features. Starfire who everyone says is the most attractive girl anyone has ever seen doesn't even compare. Raven is in a class all by herself. She's perfect."

The last word came out barely above a whisper. I was no longer watching Robin but was still listening carefully. I could feel a slight blush forming on my face, but I was more shocked than anything else. Did he really see me that way? Did he really think I was perfect? I must have misheard him. None of that could be true.

"And most importantly is that I trust her. You both know that even as a young child, I had problem trusting anyone and it only got worse after you died. Growing up with Batman didn't help either but in the end, I find that I trust her completely. I willingly let her into my mind when I was haunted by Slade, knowing that she might see some of my secrets, but that didn't bother me. I knew that even if she saw something, she would never tell another soul. It would always between me and her, and no one else."

I couldn't help but smile at those words. He trusted me. He actually trusted me. That was another characteristic we both shared. We both had a hard time trusting and I knew that he was more paranoid than even I, but that's what made me feel so good about his comment. I was special enough for him to trust me. I felt a surge of those strange emotions inside me but I welcomed them slightly because they made me feel warm though Robin's next words chilled me.

"He's back Dad. The nightmare that just won't go away, Slade."

Robin's voice that had been filled with a sense of contentment was not venomous and dark.

"But he's not back for me. He's back for Raven and for the first time in so very long, I'm afraid. I'm afraid he's going to take her away from me. Ever since Raven and I bonded, I've been getting glimpses of feelings, nightmares from her. I don't get a lot but I know it is something terrible, something that even scares her. I've been getting a feeling of hopelessness from her and I don't want to feel that from her."

I wrapped my arms around me as his words reminded me of the nightmares I've had, of my experience with Slade, of the sad feelings I've been having. I didn't realize that Robin was feeling them too, that I was unintentionally making him upset like that.

"I'm afraid Mom. I'm so very afraid. Already once I failed to protect her and couldn't stop Slade from hurting her, from laying his twisted hands on her body. The thought of Slade touching her makes me sick. He has no right to touch someone as perfect as her."

I could feel the anger rising in Robin but the anger was not directed only at Slade, but also at himself for allowing me to be hurt. He was punishing himself for something that no one could have stopped. I was pulled from my thoughts by him slamming his hand on the window in front of him.

"Damn it! Why do I have to be so weak? Why must I fail everyone I care about? Why can't I protect the one's I love? Why can't I protect the one person I'm in love with? Why can't I protect Raven?"

I felt myself freeze up at his last words. He couldn't have possible said what he just said. He couldn't possibly have just said he was in love with me. No one could be in love with me, least of all someone like Robin. I was supposed to alone, I was supposed to be shunned, but then why was it that I couldn't help but smile at his words. Why was it that I felt a warm sensation throughout my entire body. I now could hear Robin openly crying, something I never though I'd witness. I found myself floating into the main room to get a clear view of Robin. He had both his hands pressed against the window with his head hanging down as he cried.

"Mom, Dad, I can't lose her, I can't lose her like I lost you. I won't be able to take it. I love her, I love her so much and I haven't even got the chance to tell her, to show her just how much she means to me. God, please don't take her!"

Robin continued to cry as a long roll of thunder could be heard. I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I found myself floating toward Robin's trembling form. My mind continued to scream at me to stop but the feelings coursing through my body pushed me forward. I found myself directly behind him as he leaned against the window with his back to me, and I was surprised that he seemed to take no notice that I was there. In the reflection in the window, I could see that his eyes were closed. As I looked at him, as I played his words through my head, I did the first thing that came to my mind. I hugged him. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his back. I was surprised when he didn't even flinch at the contact but rather only spoke on word.

"Raven…." His voice as soft, barely above a whisper but it filled me with such warmth.

"Shhh Robin. Don't say anything. I'm here. I won't leave you." We remained in that position, with me holding Robin, listening to him breathe, with him occasionally gently caressing one of my arms that were wrapped around me. It sent a shudder through my body and I could feel goosebumps forming where he touched me. Nothing was said between the two of us, nothing needed to be said. I think this was exactly what we both needed right now. The storm finally hit and rain started slamming loudly against the windows of the tower, lighting and thunder making their presence known all over. A storm raged around us, yet for us, there was nothing but each other and that made both of us smile.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's Robin's opinion on what happens after the first chapter. If there will be a third chapter, it will be Raven's opinion about everything which I probably will write at some point. Normally I'd write review responses but I put those in my other story I wrote because I didn't know if I would write another chapter for his one so they can be found there. This chapter might be a little sappy and may only make half sense without Raven's side of it so that will be why I'll write that sometime. On a negative note, I didn't get the job I was supposed to so I am extraordinarily pissed right now though it does mean I can write more. However I will rant right now. Bleeping pieces of Bleep. How the bleep did you not give me that Bleepin job. You think I was bleeping too confident in my interview. That's your bleeping excuse for not hiring me? Bleep you. I'm bleeping sorry for not being a sniveling, nervous, twitching freak in my interview. I'm sorry I have bleeping confidence is my abilities. Bleep the bleeping bleeps. Well that's it. I'm out.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.

Afraid to Lose Again

Chapter 2

By: Finalitylife

This shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have gone this far. Why did I have to be weak? Why did I have to let her see me being weak? Somewhere deep inside my mind, I can hear my darker side laughing at me and though I want to deny the truth, it becomes harder and harder to do so. She pitied me. That could be the only explanation for this. She felt bad for me, nothing more. She didn't love me. After everyone I've failed, no one could ever love me like that. I turn around slowly and can't help but lose my breath when I stare at her sleeping form. The sheets only come up to her waste, revealing plenty of beautiful, naked skin though my eyes are drawn to her face more than they are to her flesh. Her eyes are closed and she has the most peaceful look on her face as she breathes ever so slowly. I'm not sure how I managed to get out of bed without waking her but I guess all those years of stealth training did apply more than to just sneaking up on criminals. I can't help but smile at her form. She really is some type of ethereal goddess.

I realized that today was still the day of the anniversary of my parent's death as it was only a few hours after Raven had comforted me in my misery in the main room. It had become my custom since becoming Robin to every midnight at the start of the day of this anniversary to talk to them, bare my soul to them as their son Richard, not as the unstoppable superhero that I had become. I would tell them of all my problems, all my pain, hoping for forgiveness, hoping for peace. Over the years since I had become a Titan, the talks had become filled more with guilt over my mistakes than anything else, guilt that was slowly consuming every waking thought I had, as well as those when I slept. It had only grown worse with Slade's return, with his focus shifting over from me to Raven. I'm not quite exactly sure when I started having feelings for the resident dark bird but it was about the same time that I realized my feelings toward Starfire were nothing but a silly crush. Starfire was sweet, gentle, lovable and very beautiful but I realized she wasn't for me. I had gone over all the reasons in my head for a long time why it wouldn't work and as was my obsessive nature, went threw every possible scenario that could occur if we were together. All of them ended with us deciding to be friends or her leaving me because I was starting to scare her with the darkness that lurked within me. I knew it was for the best that we would never be together.

Raven was something all together completely different that Starfire. She, in my opinion, was far more beautiful than Starfire. She was smart, funny, and deep. Of course the thing I think I liked most about her is that we could spend hours in silence reading and never once feel uncomfortable. To be able to do that with someone was rare and I truly enjoyed it. Over time, me and her developed a quiet relationship, never really prying into each others business but talking about one thing or another. My feelings only continued to deepen for her and on the day she saved me from myself, I knew that I truly loved her more than anyone I had ever met outside my parents. I always said I was going to tell her how I felt but it just seemed like I never had the opportunity. With all the problems with Brother Blood and now the return of Slade, the perfect moment never came up. I cringed as Slade's name passed threw my mind again. God how I hated that monster. I still remembered seeing Raven falling after Slade threw her off that building, her clothes torn from her body, completely helpless. Though I saved her from the fall, I knew that I had still failed her. She had chosen me to release from the Time Stop that she created, she had chosen me to protect her, and I failed her completely. I knew I was not worthy of someone as perfect as her and that was what was making me almost sick right now.

She had somehow heard me talking in the main room. I don't know how much she heard but all I know is that she embraced me as I cried, never once asking me to stop, never once judging me. She simply held me in silence, comforting me with her presence, and the warmth of her body. I don't know how long we stood there but eventually I turned to her when I sensed she was growing tired. I had been right and noticed her eyes were indeed sleepy looking. I don't even think she noticed my unmasked eyes at that moment. I gently picked her up and carried her back to her room to her bed. It was the least I could do for her at that moment. I remember entering into her room and gently depositing her on her bed. It was what happened next that shocked me. As I turned to walk away she grabbed hold of my arm tightly. I remember meeting her gaze as I turned to her, staring deeply into her eyes. She smiled warmly at me and told me that I had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. I smiled at her in response and told her that mine were nothing compared to hers. I remember her blushing slightly at my comment. It was hard to imagine Raven blushing but there she was, blushing at one of my corny comments. Exactly what happened next is a little foggy. Common sense and all forms of logic left me and I remember leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss. I was shocked when she immediately returned it. At that moment, I felt so much passion, so much love for the girl who was soon lying underneath me. Eventually all clothes were tossed aside and we came together completely. It was the single greatest moment of my life, to be with a person who I truly loved like that.

It wasn't until I woke up that reality finally came back to me. I quietly wondered if it was a dream but that was quickly revealed to be wrong as I felt a small, warm body pressed against my chest. My eyes found Raven, still naked, beside me. It only took a few seconds for me to figure out just how wrong this situation was. I managed to get myself free from her and that was where I still stood, off to the side of her bed watching her sleep. It made me sick that I took advantage of her when all she was trying to do was make me feel better, make her friend feel better. She was trying to help me and I turned that action into something perverted, something twisted. Worst of all, she had given her first time to me, she had given her innocence to me and I had greedily accepted it. I had taken something I had to right to take from her when all she did was pity me and want to make me feel better. I was completely disgusted with myself.

I watch as Raven started moving slightly in her sleep, reaching out to her side where I would have been. When she came up empty, her eyes began to flutter open, though very slowly. Eventually they opened completely and she looked at the empty side of the bed with emotions in her eyes I could not recognize. Probably sensing my presence in the room still, she sat up pulling the sheets up to cover her chest and looked around the room. Her eyes eventually settled on me as I remained in my spot. Her voice came out quiet and very tentative.

"Richard…." My eyes widened for a few seconds but eventually formed into a type of half glare. My voice came out slightly angry and far colder than I wanted.

"Who told you my name?" She seemed to cower at the sound of my voice and I instantly felt ashamed of myself even more. She lowered her head slightly as she spoke.

"You…it was you. You told me to call you Richard when…when we were together earlier." My mind froze. Did I really say that? My mind was so filled with emotion of all types when everything happened. I went from such sadness to such peacefulness to such happiness. It all happened so fast that I just couldn't comprehend it all.

"I'm sorry Raven. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. Its just that a lot has happened and I'm still dealing with it all." Her gaze came back to me and her eyes held a quiet warmth that I could feel affecting me.

"Its okay." She seemed to study me for a second before she decided to ask me something, though she could not look at me as she asked.

"I need to know something Robin. I need to know the truth. I need to know if you really love me. I need to know if what you said before was true." The question caused me to stop breathing. She definitely must have heard me talking about her. She knew how I felt, she knew that I was deeply in love with her. My mind went completely blank as she turned to look at me. Her eyes were soft and so hopeful, waiting for my response. They were not the eyes of someone who pitied me before, they were not the eyes of someone who regretted anything that happened, they were not the eyes of someone who was disgusted with me. These were the eyes of someone who so badly wanted me to say yes to her question. I tired to speak words but sound refused to come out. I could only stare at this wonderfully beautiful girl in front of me with wide eyes. After a few seconds without a response her face became very sad and she looked away in shame.

"I see. If that's the case please leave my room. All this never happened. I won't say anything." My mind was still trying to catch up with the situation. Her tiny body began to shake every so slightly and I knew she was trying to repress tears. I finally managed to get a word out though it came out more as a desperate yell.

"Wait!" I was still trying to take all this in. If I didn't know any better, Raven was acting like someone who had just been turned down by someone they loved. Raven thought she had been turned down by me. The correlation was so simple but my mind didn't want to put it all together. It was at this moment that I simply went with my instincts and walked forward toward the bed and wrapped my arms around Raven who was looking at me with eyes that looked like they were ready to burst with water any second.

"Please don't cry Raven. Please don't cry my beautiful, little bird. I love you Raven. I love you more than anything else in this world." Raven buried her head into my chest as she returned my hug. I could feel her small arms wrap around me and I felt so warm, so happy at that exact moment. I small smile formed on my face.

"I love you even more than my motorcycle." I could feel her grip tighten more around me and I could hear her trying to repress a laugh which only made me smile more. She started talking into my chest, trying not to give me the satisfaction that I made her laugh with a stupid joke.

"You are aware just how inappropriate that was."

"Yes, but my great sense of humor is one of the reasons you love me." I stopped completely after I said those words. She had never said she loved me. She pushed back so she could look at my face. I think she saw the doubt, the fear in my eyes at that moment. I felt her lips gently press against mine and she pulled back slowly with a smile.

"Yes, just one of the many reasons that I love you." I felt my whole body, mind, and soul relax at those words. "and I'm never going to leave your side Richard, not now, not ever."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here is Raven's point of view based on the activities of Chapter 2. Chapter 2 and 3 pretty much are needed for both of them to make total sense so just letting you know. Its only about 1500 words, kind of short for me but it works that way I think. This will be the last chapter of this story (Almost a 100 likely) so it goes out as my second completely story though it is significantly shorter than my other completed work. Whatever happens after this, I'll leave that to the reader's imagination. I'll probably start working on another chapter for 'Trying to Do the Right Thing' but I'm having trouble with that story right now. I know the next chapter needs to be about Starfire and Robin but I'm having trouble figuring out how I want that to go as that situation could fuel future chapters. I'm sure I'll figure something out, I always do. Alright, time for review notes.

**evilsangle: **I'm sure you'll be a little pissed this story is ending but I'll make there is something else to read soon so I guess have some patience but as I know, that isn't one of the qualities you have. Yeah I'm still angry about not getting that job but your right, its their loss so thanks.

**Cherry Jade: **Thanks for the compliments. I never though my writing could get someone to do a little dance but I guess that's one more thing I can see I've accomplished. Here's Raven's point of view so I hope it meets up to what you were looking for. I guess I should also thank you for putting my story in that one particular C2. It makes me feel good to think you think so highly of my stories.

**They Call Me Sweetsnow: **Haven't heard that compliment before. Beautiful…I like the sound of that. Thanks for the review, it made me feel good about the chapter. Hope you like this one and thanks for putting my story on your favorites list.

And to the other three people who put this story on their favorites list: Thanks a lot. I appreciate that a lot. Peace.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.

Afraid to Lose Again

Chapter 3

By: Finalitylife

My whole body felt like it was in heaven and my mind was at a place of peace that it hadn't obtained since Slade had made his return. I could feel myself starting to wake up despite wanting to stay like that forever. I reached out for the young man I knew was next to me and was surprised to find nothing except more soft sheets. My mind started to panic slightly at this fact. Had it been all a dream? I couldn't have been. It was all too real, too passionate for it to have been just a dream. Robin's or should I say Richard's perfect blue eyes were still burned into my memory; the most beautiful set of eyes I had ever laid my eyes on. When I looked into them for the first time after he carried me to my room and put me on my bed, I couldn't help but lose myself in them. I saw so much in them that I had never before seen in another person. I shocked myself when I told him that they were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen and he in turn complimented me. I knew I blushed at his comment. I always thought my eyes were strange, weird but he thought they were beautiful and I couldn't help but feel warm when he said those words.

I remember him smiling at me. It wasn't his normal lopsided grin or even one of his cocky smirks. It was something new all together. Combined with his eyes, just looking at him made my body involuntarily shiver with delight. I somehow knew what was coming next though I had never experienced anything like it before. His lips met mine and I instinctively returned it with equal amounts of enthusiasm and passion. I could feel his hands slide up my sides as we kissed and could feel myself moan slightly into his mouth at the touch. The thin, tight material of my leotard provided almost no resistance to his touch and I could feel his gentle caresses perfectly and it felt so good. The overload of emotions somehow didn't seem to be destroying anything around my room though that was only a small piece of the millions of thoughts shooting through my head. Robin had somehow removed his shirt without me barely registering how he got it off without breaking contact with me and I now stared at his perfect chest. He began kissing on my neck and the sudden stimulation caused me to moan his name. He stopped suddenly at the sound of his name. He looked down at me for a second, his eyes met mine and he gave me a warm smile.

"When we're together, call me Richard. That's my real name." I smiled at him and pulled his head back down into another intense kiss. Somehow him telling me that, him trusting me with that information, made me want him more. All those foreign emotions I had been feeling for him for so long were all starting to make sense. One specifically, though I had never truly felt before, now had a name. It was love. I loved him. Eventually all clothes were gone and it was just our naked bodies together. When I moaned his name at the end, it was Richard that I said.

Now I was awake and still naked. I felt relieved when I sensed Richard still somewhere in the room though he was not in the bed with me. Even though I had slept with him, I still self-consciously pulled the sheets up to my neck covering my chest. I think it would take a long time before I was truly comfortable with my appearance despite Richard telling me how beautiful I was. I looked around the room and my eyes finally settled on Richard who was standing, with his pants on, off to the side of the bed. He was looking at me with a strange look in his eyes. It was different than he had looked at me when we were together and it made me wonder what was going through his head. It made me wonder if something was wrong. I tentatively spoke his true name as I continued to study his face. Almost instantly, his face became angry and the voice that came out was not one filled with love but rather was cold. It made me flinch back and caused my mind panic. What was going on? Doubt about what truly had been said and done with him started rising and I felt a strange feeling building in my chest. After a few seconds his face softened and he apologized to me, claiming he was just trying to deal with everything that had happened. I couldn't quite blame him for that. A lot had happened in the last few hours, for both of us. Emotions and experiences that had never occurred before were now part of our relationship and I doubt both of us had completely grasped it all.

However, I still couldn't get that pain in my chest to leave. I was starting to pick up emotions radiating off of Robin. They were feelings of disgust, regret, and sadness. The pain in my chest intensified and it felt like a million needles were stabbing into my heart. Did he truly regret what we did? Why was he disgusted? Was he disgusted with me, for me giving myself to him so easily? The logical part of my brain was trying to give me answers but the emotions raging with me easily blocked them out. This couldn't be happening. I loved him. I heard him tell me he loved me when I listened to him talk in the main room. He said it more than once. I couldn't look at Robin anymore and turned away. My mind raced but one simple question stood out more than any other. Did he really love me? I needed an answer to that now. I felt the question come out of my mouth though I still could not look at Robin, I couldn't look into those eyes if they held contempt or indifference. A horrible silence permeated the entire room. Not even the sound of breathing could be heard from either of us. I slowly turned toward him, hoping for something, hoping for a yes. All he did was stare at me with absolutely no reaction. I could feel my heart beginning to break apart. It hurt. It hurt so much. I tried to will myself not to cry but could still feel the tears beginning to form. I did my best to maintain composure as I told Robin to leave. I told him to forget any of this ever happened even though I knew I never could. I could feel my body beginning to shake as the urge to cry pushed harder at my defenses and I knew that I couldn't stop them from coming for much longer. Why wouldn't he just leave me to my misery, to my pain?

His voice suddenly yelled out to me and I couldn't help but look at him as I watched him getting closer. I couldn't concentrate. I just couldn't figure out what was going on. He should be leaving, not coming near me. I suddenly felt his warm body pressed against mine as his arms wrapped protectively around me. His voice was gentle and full or warmth. Hearing the words he told me, I couldn't help let a few tears flow from my eyes. I had heard him say the words before in the main room but hearing them now, hearing him telling me as he held me, I couldn't help but cry a few tears of perfect happiness. He loved me. I returned his embrace, grabbing on to him as tightly as I could. Maybe it was in happiness or maybe I was afraid he would disappear, but I never wanted to let him go again. His voice stopped for a second before he proclaimed that he loved me more than his stupid R-cycle. I don't know why but I wanted to burst out laughing but I wouldn't allow him to hear it with such a ridiculous claim. I buried my face into his hard chest trying to repress the laughter and managed to do so. For the first time in my life, I felt playful and returned his comment with one of my monotone responses. I smiled at his response but quickly lost that smile as I felt his entire body tense up and dark emotions radiating off of him. I created some distance between us and looked into his eyes. I didn't need to be an empath to figure out what he was feeling right now. I could see it in his eyes. He needed to hear those three words just as much as I had needed to hear them. He needed to know that I truly returned the feelings he had for me.

I leaned forward and pushed my lips against his. It was a soft kiss but lasted a few seconds. I deliberately pulled away slowly to see his reaction to it. His eyes were slightly closed and he had a small smile on his face. His eyes fully opened at the sound of my voice and the emotions that came from him matched my own. It was a feeling of contentment. It was a feeling of perfect peace, perfect happiness and so much love. He smiled at me and kissed me long and deep. By the way that he was kissing me, I knew that the rest of the Titans wouldn't see either of us until very late into the afternoon and that was exactly what I wanted right now.


	4. Chapter 4

1A/N: Why I wrote this, I do not know. Is it good, I think so. This story assumed The End happened mostly the way it did. This goes out to anybody who read this story when I wrote it back at the end of June, anyone who has ever said a kind work about my writing, anyone who has ever reviewed and anyone who has ever made me smile one way or another because something things are simply beyond words to explain though never any less appreciated. Peace.

Afraid to Lose Again

Epilogue

By: Finalitylife

The bright sunny day found no way to penetrate the never-ending gloom that seemed to sit over the cemetery at the edge of Jump City. It was an old, gothic place, the first body put to eternal rest there when the city was just a small town. Large crypts and statues decorated the grey, lifeless landscape, the place representing the truest sense of foreboding. The cemetery was almost no longer used and even less visited as most of the permanent resident's had died long ago, those who lost them either passed away themselves or were long gone from the city, pursuing the remaining life somewhere else. However, one month ago, one last person was allowed this place as a final resting spot by special request of the cities greatest residence ever. He knew that she would have liked to be laid to rest somewhere private, somewhere with an eerie peacefulness that she would have loved to mediate in. Where this place would have been creepy to most, to her it would have simply represented the natural order of life, defining the end that all mortal beings had to face eventually. She always did look at things so logically. The lone visitor who glided through the cemetery like some type of phantom smiled to himself. Always so logical except when it came to him, always so controlled except when they were together.

Eventually, the grey haired man found his way to the grave he had come to every day for the past month. Normally he would simply stare at it for a few minutes, say a small prayer, before again disappearing into the night, the night that had always welcomed both him and her. However today, something refused to let him walk away from that spot, something compelled him to stand there, soaking in everything around him. He knew exactly what the simply, granite tombstone had on it as he had been the one to design it. It was intentionally plain as he knew she would have wanted it that way. She had never been flashy or obvious about things. It was her way and he loved her for it all the same. In the top center engraved was a bird with full outstretched wings as if it was flying completely free through the sky. Below it toward the middle was a single name, no last name as the truth of it could still potentially endanger the old man who stood in front of the grave. However, the first name did not need a last. By itself, it had its own powerful presence that would stand forever. Below the name was a short inscription, one he knew all to well. She had made the same promise to him everyday since the first time they had revealed their love, had basked in the true reality of it all.

"_I'm never going to leave your side, not now, not ever."_

The old man let out a deep sigh. He recalled the one time she had almost broke that promise, the one time she had nearly shattered his entire being though she did it to try and save him as well as all of her family. She had left him when the prophecy finally came into being, when her Father finally returned to the world of mortals. He remembered the devastating numbness that overwhelmed his entire body when the realization hit that day that she was gone and the glimmer of hope that returned when he saw that raven overhead. It lead him to his friends but not the one who held his heart and soul. His journey to find her was just beginning at that moment, his journey to make her keep her promise only starting, and it lead him into the very heart of Hell itself and never once did he feel fear to that curses place. The only fear he ever felt was that he would never see her beautiful face again, the only fear he felt was that he had lost the most important thing in his life once again and this time, he knew he would not survive with her gone. In only the short time they had been together, he had become completely dependent on her touch, her taste, her love and without it, he knew he would shrivel up and die. In the very depths of the raging inferno, he encountered his one and only though it was not fully her. What he found was the innocent child that never existed, that was never allowed to exist because of a destiny crueler than any other ever known. It hurt his heart to look upon the young girl, knowing that there was a chance his love was really gone forever though he would be reminded of her face every time he looked upon this young girl. He wasted no time helping her, never once fathomed the idea of not rescuing this girl though every time she asked who he was or that she didn't remember anything, he felt his heart shred into a millions and bitterness grip his mind because fate had been so cruel to both of them.

The old man remembered that dark time with more clarity than someone his age should have but one does not easily forget the end of the world nor the ultimate battle that finally brought destiny to a close, and his beloved back to his side. He remembered her throwing her arms around his neck, nestling tightly into his chest as tears of joy flowed down her face, though no random object exploded, no black storm of telekinetic power erupted around them. He remembered sharing that long, passionate kiss with her as the world returned to its normal path as if nothing ever happened, as his family looked on with smiles of perfect contentment. He remembered just how beautiful she looked in white that day and how she looked just as beautiful the next time she wore white, at their wedding, and she had held him the same way, and they had kissed just as passionately then as they had following the end. And she told him the same words on that wedding day as she had following her father's defeat: "I'm never going to leave your side my love, not now, not ever."

The old man thought back to the years he spent with the most perfect being he ever knew and would ever know. Her intelligence, her grace, her beauty were of the highest perfection, all things one would associate with angels yet they were easily outmatched by her compassion, her hopefulness, and her capacity to love him. In public, just like him, they rarely showed there true emotions, both preferring to appear strong and stoic in the eyes of the people, in the eyes of the people they protected. The reason was never because they wanted to appear above those they protected but rather that was just who they were, who they both had been long before a group called the Teen Titans ever existed, long before the two ever met. However, those that knew them best knew the deep, all consuming feelings that existed between the two when they were alone or the brief moments they, at the same time let their guards down to simply be.

The old man gazed down at the tombstone still with a knowing look on his face. No one ever could truly understand just how deep the feelings were between him and her were. Words could never describe the true essence of their love, actions themselves could never properly display the undying passion that existed between the two. There are some things that are simply beyond comprehension, some things that no matter how hard one looks, can not be seen. There are some things that simply are, eternal and perfect, only understood between the two who feel it every second of every day they are together.

His thoughts continued to drift threw time, remembering that even though no child was ever produced between the two of them, they cared for their friend's offspring as if they were there own, even being the godparents to little Robin when he was born to their dearest tamaranian friend. He remembered how heart broken she had been when she found out she was not able to have children and how upset both of them had been that they would never have the chance to give their own child the loving parents for all their life that had been denied to both of them. However, as long as they had each other, they would survive, as long as they had each other, they would be happy and he remembered with a small smile, that everyday when they would wake up, she would curl next to him, kiss him softly on the lips, and tell him that she would never leave him, not now, not ever.

He felt his eyes stinging behind the mask he still wore, still serving its purpose as he still actively aided the cause of justice as a leader. He removed the mask slowly to allow the few tears to escape. His thoughts had finally drifted to the end, when she became sick with cancer. She had fought bravely but even her demon blood and healing powers were not strong enough to stop the disease that ravaged her body. He remembered that even as her body grew weaker, she never once looked any less beautiful to him, never once lost that glowing beauty that he had been fortunate enough to admire every day for 55 years. She tried to suffer in silence as the pain became worse but he knew she hurt. He could look at her and simply know her every thought, she never could have hid something like that. As time went on, as she surpassed the time she should of had, as she continued to fight on, she still told him everyday, though her voice had lost some of its strength, that she would never leave him, not now and not ever. One day, he remembered lying down next to her, taking her small body into his arms and whispering gently into ear.

"It's okay my Raven. Its okay to leave.. You don't have to stay here anymore, you don't have to fight anymore.' He remembered she tried to weakly protest but he silenced her with a kiss and whispered to her, hovering just above her face.

"Its okay my love, its okay because I know you will never leave me just as I will never leave you. Not even the end will separate us." He remembered one last small smile from her face, one last kiss, and then, Raven Grayson, passed away peacefully in the arms of her lover, her husband, her life.

Richard felt a few more tears fall though not many. He knelt down in front of the grave and pulled out a single white rose from under his cloak and placed it on the ground as he quietly spoke words only meant for one other person's ears.

"I am no longer afraid to lose my beautiful Raven because I now know, something that you helped teach me, that some things can never be lost because they will always be found again." The old man stood up, pulling his cloak around his body as the sun began to set in the far off distance. He turned to leave smiling as he left, as he knew the spirit of his beloved followed closely by his side, awaiting the day when he would finally join her because in the end, they would never leave each other, not now, not ever.


End file.
